Sewage Woe

We used to live in a very nice, quiet, residential neighbourhood. Our house was built on the corner of an enormous plot by the owner of the plot who just happened to be a builder!. So, last year he decided to sell his entire plot getting planning permission for a development of 23 bijou dwellings (2 to 4 bed executive houses!) He published the planning permission on page 34 of the Asian pig breeders gazette (american edition) or some such well read publication !! So the first thing we know about it is the arrival of several huge trucks containing demolition equipment totalling blocking the road ! Most neighbours turn out to see these behemoths and try to tell them this is the wrong road - No they say - order to demolish dwelling at no 40 and clear plot prior to building !!! Cue a vast parade of 38 ton lorries - We happen to share a drain with the neighbours - with the main traps on our drive. One Morning Her next door bangs on our front door (door bell disconnected to stop dogs barking house down) "Did you know that the drain is blocked and the sewage is now 3/4 up the trap in the drive" Says she. We go and inspect trap - and sure enough "S---t" almost to the top. Out with the drain rods. Poke poke poke - gurgling sounds but no "whoosh" of emptying drain trap! Go indoors and find insurance policy. Ring them and sure enough - for once a straight answer (Ho Ho) - Man with gear will be out shortly (don't call me Shortly !! - sorry wrong film!) Main in bright orange van arrives and wheels out all sorts of gear including tv scanner - Go indoors to make tea for said man - Go out clutching mug (with three sugars mate) and find him packing gear. Slurping tea he exclaims "Rodded right out to the edge of your property mate - even went 3 feet out into road" "and" says I for want of witty reply "Well that's all the insurance covers, the blockage is not on your property, so that's all I can do" "Great" says I - "Now what" - "Ring Water Board" Says he - looks like their problem". Soooooo ring water board - "Will have to charge you £60.00 for call out fee" Says they. Sewage now rising to within 3 inches of top of trap and smelling not unlike the bogs in the local pub ?? "Send them soonest please" says I - negotiating with the next door neighbour who promises to pay half bill. Enter White van man with similar equipment to man in orange van (are they in league ??) Unpacks gear and rods, jets and shoves away. "Definite blockage there Sir"(more polite than orange van man - obviously cause I got to pay him) At this point yet another convoy of 38 tonners turn up for what has now become the noisiest building site in Christendom. "Ah", says he "That's the problem" pointing at the trucks ! "When your houses were built they used a Fibre type pipe, as this sort of traffic was not expected" "No" says I - "We didn't expect it either !!" "What has happened is that the lorries have compacted the road and the pipe has literally become squashed" "What now ?" says I "Best you ring Water Board again, and that's £60.00 before you forget!" he says . Ring water Board - tell them that the blockage is out in the middle of the road - not on my property. Now this is where it gets downright bloody annoying. "Did you not read the small print on the documents when the drains were put in ?" "No, I bought the house second hand !!" "Ah - the fibre pipe was the one specified by the Water Board when the house was built, but specs have changed since due to the fact that heavy traffic can cause the pipes to fail" = "Rightamundo" says I, We got 38 tons trucks arriving by the minute here - "What steps do you intend to take" ('kin great ones in the direction of Jerusalem - sorry wrong joke again!) "Ah", again says official - "Read small print again - You are responsible for the pipe right out to the main drain - which is on the far side of the road"
more tomorrow !!"
cheers
Mog